new year's resolutions

Category: Joke Board

Post 1 by laced-unlaced (Account disabled) on Tuesday, 05-Jan-2010 8:13:05

2007: I will try to be a better husband to Lisa.
2008: I will not leave Lisa.
2009: I will try for reconciliation with Lisa.
2010: I will try to be a better husband to Rachel.

Resolution #2
2007: I will stop looking at other women.
2008: I will not get involved with Rachel.
2009: I will not let Rachel pressure me into another marriage.
2010: I will stop looking at other women.

Resolution #3
2007: I will not let my boss push me around.
2008: I will not let my sadistic boss drive me to the point of suicide.
2009: I will stick up for my rights when my boss bullies me.
2010: I will tell Dr. Hodger and the group about my boss.

Resolution #4
2007: I will read at least 20 good books a year.
2008: I will read at least 10 books a year.
2009: I will read 5 books a year.
2010: I will finish Space.

Resolution #5
2007: I will not get upset when Bill and Roger make jokes about my baldness.
2008: I will not get annoyed when Bill and Roger kid me about my toupee.
2009: I will not lose my temper when they tell the guys I wear a girdle.
2010: I will not speak to Bill and Roger.

Resolution #6
2007: I will get my weight down below 180.
2008: I will watch my calories until I get below 190.
2009: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200.
2010: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight.

Resolution #7
2007: I will not take a drink before 5:00 p.m.
2008: I will not touch the bottle before noon.
2009: I will not become a "problem drinker".
2010: I will not miss any AA meetings.

Resolution #8
2007: I will not spend my money frivolously.
2008: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.
2009: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.
2010: I will begin making a strong effort to be out of debt by 2012.

Resolution #9
2007: I will see my dentist this year.
2008: I will have my cavities filled this year.
2009: I will have my root canal work done this year.
2010: I will get rid of my denture breath this year.

Resolution #10
2007: I will go to church every Sunday.
2008: I will go to church as often as possible.
2009: I will set aside time each day for prayer and meditation.
2010: I will try to catch the late night sermonette on TV.

Post 2 by Sword of Sapphire (Whether you agree with my opinion or not, you're still gonna read it!) on Thursday, 07-Jan-2010 22:37:20

Lmao! I love these! They're quite hilarious.

Post 3 by The Straight Edge Superstar (Please, allow me to once again explain why you are wrong.) on Friday, 08-Jan-2010 1:20:35

Those were good. hahahaha

Post 4 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Saturday, 09-Jan-2010 17:06:27

lol; great!!